Poetry

25 to Life

May 6, 2004

25 to life can't close my eyes
25 to life so high I can't sleep
25 to life I just wanna be free
25 to life Oh lord can't u help me
25 to life there is hope can't u see
25 to life I’m not the worst that can be
25 to life please let this poor soul free
25 to life I have to ask to breathe
25 to life tired of screamin it wasn't me
25 to life ain't got mercy on me
25 to life oh man what about my seed
25 to life no more hustlin on da streets
25 to life ain't no mo shoppin sprees
25 to life what about parole for me please
25 to life oh man smokin weed
25 to life is what you give 4 pushin weed
25 to life but that killa got set free
25 to life no more girls on their knees
25 to life no more McD's
25 to life just cause you found some keys
25 to life no more days just like these
25 to life I can't see past tomorrow
all I heard about this place is pain and sorrow
u say your preparing rehabinous(?) 4 tomorrow

Our Love

August 20, 2004 | By: Christopher Longoria

I did a lot of searching, far and wide, high and low: not really knowing what I was looking for. All I really know is that I had a relentless urge for whatever it was.

But I didn’t find it.

I moved around thinking maybe I’m not on the right place,

maybe it’s right over there, or there, not even knowing

how big it was or what it looked like.

But I didn’t find it.

I did a lot of changing my attitude, my ways, my method of finding. Thinking maybe I’m not the right person to be finding it,

maybe I’m going about it wrong.

But I didn’t find it.

Then I decided I should ask for help. So I began meeting new people, and asking for help in my search, but no one could help.

Until I met a girl who looked lost and she said she was looking for something, actually the same thing I was. But we still couldn’t figure out what it was. So we searched together.

I now realize that the moment we looked into each others eyes,

we had found it. Our love!

I hope to always find what I was searching for in your eyes.

I love you Sweet, more than you know

Chris and Melissa Longoria

I Had No Idea

Denton County 2004

I used to sit alone watching the TV,

Smoking a joint and petting my cat,

Thinking I was alone

I had no idea

I used to sit down to eat dinner,

A table set for one next to my cat,

Thinking I was alone

I had no idea

I used to wake up on father's day,

No son, no daughter, no girl;

Thinking I was alone

I had no idea

I used to wake up on my birthday

And have to call and remind people it was my birthday,

Thinking I was alone

I had no idea

I would wake up on Thanksgiving,

Eat a sliced turkey sandwich and thank myself,

Thinking I was alone

I had no idea

On Christmas morning I would awake,

Make my calls to my family,

Give myself a fat hydro joint and watch miracle on 34th street , thinking I was alone

I had no idea

This morning I woke up,

Said hello to the guy in the cell across from me

Bummed a cigarette and a light,

Sat down on my bunk with my bummed smoke,

Looked around and realized I am alone!

I had no idea!

Hood "2004" 

When You Sang To Me

For Faith Longoria

When you sang to me, I fell in love.

With a voice as smooth and beautiful

As a milk white dove.

No one could conceive the way I feel,

I felt in my heart your love was real.

Now that you're gone I can close my eyes

And feel the love between your thighs.

As true as that milk white dove.

What will I do?

I really don't know.

If it's true, in the end, your love will show.

If not, I know life will go on for you and me.

Regardless if it works,

I’ll never forget the way I felt

When you sang to me. 

(My Best Friend)

By: Christopher Longoria

My best friend was lost today,

The words to keep her I could not say.

Because I knew in my heart I could not stay.

So I pray the lord will lead me back one day.

Until that day, I will not bend,

Even though not wanting to be hurt

Just cost me my best friend.

My One And Only Love

For Faith Longoria

You said you hated him but I know you lied,

Cause now it's him between your thighs.

I thought you hated the way he treated you,

He kissed your cheek and then he beat you.

You don't deserve the things he does,

Just like I don't deserve your tainted love.

Once again you'll know those fears,

When his acts and threats bring you to tears

Do you regret those two long years?

I loved you then and I love you still

You can't conceive the love I feel.

Could it be our love's a lie?

I wake up at night just to cry.

Maybe for you but not for me,

I needed your love when I took that knee

And asked you to be my one and only love.

You said yes, kissed my lips,

And then we hugged.

I miss those days of you and me.

I wish that only you could see

And return that love back to me.

Love always,

Christopher Longoria

"Should I have done something different?"

Denton County 2004

When I was 8 and my mother went from 140 to 80 pounds from not having enough to feed everyone, and I would come home from school, clean the house, cook, and force her to eat, should I have done something different?

When I was 15 and I met a girl with a beautiful child and a cowardly father and I chose to be a man and try to be a father to the child and a good man to the girl; should I have done something different?

When I was 18 and history repeated itself I tried to be a good man to the girl and a father to her daughter, should I have done something different?

When I was 20 and one more time my lord put me in the same position, and I chose to care for a girl that was pregnant and had no one who really loved her, supporting her through the pregnancy, vowing my love and undying devotion to her. Comforting her through the loss of her custody, and giving her a place to land as she spiraled out of control due to the loss, taking the hate and punishment that was really for everyone else. Keeping my promise to love and support her. Should I have done something different?

When that spiral lost everything we worked for and a regular job wouldn't due and I chose to sell drugs instead of letting her go hungry or having to sleep on the street! Should I have done something different?

When I tried to help numerous people that were down on their luck, ignoring the risk to my life, should I have done something different?

When a man I tried to help put the innocent lives of a friend’s children at risk and he tried to lunge and attack me and I took his life, should I have done something different?

If I had done something different read this one more time and tell me how many lives would be lost!

Hood 2004

Why Should She Stay?

For Melissa Longoria

Why should she stay?

Because you love her!

Because you need her!

Because she is the only love you have!

Because you can’t make it without her!

Because you are not perfect!

Because life is chaos and she is the calm!

Because you have no one else!

Because you’re sorry!

Because you regret it!

Because it is hard for you!

Because everything you do is cause of her!

Because it is scary alone and unloved!

Because you are incapable of good without her!

Because she represents the only good in you!

Because without her you lose!

Because she represents the only good in all the world!

Because without her you would both be lost!

Because your life has been hard and she makes it easier!

Because she is your angel!

Because she is your life!

Because without her they would come for you!

Because it can’t continue to be all bad!

Because you’re almost to the top and on the other side she is there surrounded by sunshine!

Because you love her!

Can Waking Up Change Someone?

By: Christopher Longoria

Can waking up change someone? Change a person physically, emotionally, and mentally? Can it change the way they see, hear, or taste; the way they smell, both by breathing deep, and by being converted with the stench of sadness, regret, and hate for another human being? I have always enjoyed saying, “I can smell the hoe in somebody!” Can it change their appearance on the outside as well? Contorting, twisting, and morphing their very being, into something that is native to a horrid monster, from another planet and galaxy? Hell, another universe for that matter! Can it make a person hate everyone’s good fortune, including their own? Killing the opportunity to enjoy a good moment, a moment when all those optimistic, drooling baboons, laughing from their mouths of decadence, oblivious that they are in the company of other laughing baboons, sucking up the air that should be reserved for those that actually have a clue, those that live in reality, poverty stricken, lice infected. For no other reason than the fact that some Me-Me-Me Syndrome, consumed parasites would rather scream, “I have more than you!”, to the forgotten child. Eating three day old bread and stale rice from a fast food dumpster than to break bread with his own people and face the stagnant reality of life, planet earth, and every living creature on its solid soil. Being a horrible mistake, evolution gone wrong, in a disgusting way! Well, can waking up change a person, you ask. Hell yes! I’ve been staring in the mirror for twenty minutes and I thought the monkey was talking. “Keep putting your head in that fist sized hole and trying to pull out the apple, you ignorant monkey!!!”

Why Didn't I?

For Melissa Longori

Why didn’t I stop?

Why didn’t I think?

Why didn’t I realize?

Why didn’t I try?

Why didn’t I ask?

Why didn’t I know?

Why didn’t I want?

Why didn’t I see?

Why didn’t I say it?

Why didn’t I wonder?

Why didn’t I do it?

Why didn’t I listen?

Why didn’t I go?

Why didn’t I walk away?

Why didn’t I smile?

Why didn’t I laugh?

Why didn’t I get it?

Why didn’t I say no?

Why didn’t I hold her?

Why didn’t I stay?

Why didn’t I cry?

Why didn’t I notice?

Why didn’t I move?

Why didn’t I leave?

Why didn’t I call?

Why didn’t I?

Because there are no I’s in we, it takes two.

How Can I Change?

By Christopher Longoria

How can I change the mistakes that I’ve made?

The do’s that should have been don’ts,

The frowns and scowl that should have been smiles.

The anger they see when they should see love,

The bad side of you they saw,

When they should have seen the good.

The cries that should have been laughs,

The bad days that should have been great.

The dark they witness that should have been light.

How can I change, you ask? You can’t.

You can only reflect, regret, and redeem.

There are no real second chances in life.

So take heed: read between the lines.

Listen with your heart, not your body,

See with your soul and not your eyes,

Cause everything is not as it seems.

And you can never change the mistakes

That have already been made,

No matter how much they consume you!

What Could Have Been

By: Christopher Longoria

What could have been? Could it have been great or beautiful? Could it have made you smile when you were feeling down and out? Regretting the choices you’ve made and the mistakes that led you to make those choices?

Could it have been the answers to all of your problems both present and past, large or small, taking them and banishing them to some far off place, locked away, never to be seen again?

Could it have replaced something you lost, long ago, or had stolen from you just as you began to really appreciate it and realize the role it would play in your life?

Could it have been something you didn’t want or need? Like another problem added to a life full of previous problems that have grown stagnant, and while waiting for you to feel the time is right to pay attention to them, when all you’re doing is pretending that they don’t exist?

Could it have been love? The kind of love you have always dreamed of? The kind you see in your lover’s eyes when he holds you in his arms after a day of no fighting, a million smiles, and endless sunshine?

The fact of the matter is we don’t know at all.  We don’t know and that is what brought us to make the decision that was made, however hard or easy it was to make. 

So don’t hate or be happy with yourself, you only made that decision because you don’t or didn’t know what this situation could have been and making a hard decision is all you know!

To everyone who wonders what could have been!!!

For Melissa Longoria

I have never wanted to die

Until you came to me and cried

Told me how I ruined your life

And you can’t believe I lied

But I promise if you stay

If in your heart you find a way

I’m certain I could say

You would never cry another day

By Christopher Longoria

It Takes Courage To Lead

By: Christopher Longoria

It takes courage to lead,

You muthafuckas couldn’t take my heat,

Cause when it comes to da cauze,

To callin’ shots.

Real niggaz rize to dey feet,

Some like to talk and tell you lies,

To perpetrate how dey live,

But ain’t no fakin’ what you see

Deep in tha eyes of tha real!

One Liners

"You know I’m actin bad bitch, do em like I wanna" 

"I'm tired of wakin' up alone without out my girl"

"All these fake niggaz in my face, cause me to start blastin"

(Where I Walk)

Denton County 2004

Where I Walk

I Am Feared.

There is Danger

Where I Walk.

Where I Walk

There is death.

And I shall walk

No more.